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Des Lewis - GESTALT REAL-TIME BOOK REVIEWS
A FEARLESS FAITH IN FICTION — THE PASSION OF THE READING MOMENT CRYSTALLISED — Empirical literary critiques from 2008 as based on purchased books.
Friday, February 20, 2015
Against the Run
Things in my life started to go against the run of good luck, against the run of what I expected, against the run of both destiny and free will, against the run of what was sane and healthy, against the run of the past as well as what I wanted the future to be, against the run of natural happiness, against the run of the sun as it rose and fell on either side of the sky.
I simply stood stock still, neither looking back nor looking forward, not even looking around me, a passer-by only because others passed me by first. They not only passed me by walking, they started soon to pass me by running, as if I were increasingly difficult not to pass by. No brushing of light kisses, nor even an exchanging of glances.
Later, however, I noticed things in my life starting to change after this seemingly interminable period of standing still. I was walking then running against myself, passing myself by, as it were, even while I stood still, and I ceased regretting my inability to ease into a proper run alongside those others who still passed me by.
But I felt I was a tangled knot of not knowing who I was, having discovered I was someone at all. My eyes swivelled in many directions, flailing about to see whose body my legs were running with - or running against. My eyes then ran down the shape of my as yet unrecognisable body, running through various checks on what I was thinking, or whether these thoughts were actually my thoughts to think. Running through a whole agenda of life's ambitions - the most ambitious of which was to be conscious of a life with any ambitions at all. I sensed a hand running through my hair against the grain of its cut and weave. I was aware of a finger running across the teeth of a comb. I winced as I heard a nail scraping down a clean slate, about to make scratches shaped like me...
The loneliness of a non-distance runner. Against the run of one. The run of the sun returning to repeat the night that had just gone.
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